The Art of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

| 4 Comments

Today I have the symptom I have the most trouble with in this multi-symptom odessy.  I feel like I can't connect to my world.  It's emotional.  I'm not sure if I just don't have the skill to handle it, or I'm not tough enough, or if the world is just an illusion and it really isn't worth the effort to try to connect to it.  

The best description is the feeling I had the time I was whipped and fell waterskiing:  I was down deep in the water.  It took a long while to find which direction was up.  As I began to swim up my oxygen levels were waning.  I began to panic.  It's the sort of panic that drives a hole into my heart because I feel so alone.  The surface is so hard to find.

I

It seems to freak out the people closest to me.  From my end I want a meaningful conversation, a story from their day, or an invitaiton like I have tonight to play cards with some friends.   

My experience has been further isolation after conflict when I'm in this vulnerable state. Usual pains are worse when I'm under the emotional water.  They get stuck in my heart.

I've taken to hiding.

But that doesn't really help.  

So now I'm learning find some soothing to the soul activities.  Things like painting, drawing, walking in the woods, and choosing who I can trust to speak with.  Here's one of my studies today.  

I'm grateful for new and good friends.  I know there are a number I can call who would be happy to hear from me.  I get really shy and afraid of people here.  I prefer the critters as they don't ask as many questions that I struggle to answer.  

And even with the mosquitos, a walk in the woods always seems to heal my soul.  The wild flowers, butterflies and damsel flies will bring me back to the surface.  

And the oriole fledglings fighting over the grape jelly brings perspective.  

Shanti.

Lauri

 

Comments

Dear Laure, You can talk to me any time. I understand and get it. I too am in hiding mode. Most of my energy is going to my Mom who has breast cancer. I am her main care taker. I am exhausted. I know I have people I can talk to but even that seems like too much effort. I am sorry you are having a hard time. Thank you for sharing. because you did tonight I do not feel so alone. I was able to spend time on the water this weekend It helped..Peace my friend. love, Deborah jean

Unfortunately we share this drat condition. You have me whenever you need me too. Peace and love to you.

I'm glad you have found some relief. I understand that this is a difficult condition to deal with. You have many friends; human, animal, divine. Continue to take care of yourself, my dear. Hugs.

er main care taker. I am exhausted. I know I have people I can talk to but even that seems like too much effort. I am sorry you are having a hard time. Thank you for sharing. because you did tonight I do not feel so alone. I

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